When is a Yarhzeit Commemorated?
The years pass, time heals, but there is no need to forget. Jewish tradition acknowledges the need to relive a loss, to not totally let go, and sets the
yahrzeit date. A yahrzeit is an anniversary that commemorates a death according to the Jewish date. Because the Jewish calendar has a lunar basis and the secular, Gregorian, calendar is solar, the
yahrzeit will coincide with the original secular date of death only once in every nineteen years.
A yahrzeit tends to fall within three weeks before or after the secular anniversary. Jewish funeral homes give out calendars to help survivors track the date. In return for a nominal donation, many synagogues will send out yahrzeit reminder notices.
Secular dates are easier to remember and may be observed s the yahrzeit. Either date is fine, but observance is best if the date is kept consistently.
Yahrzeit Observances Memorial Candle Lighting
A twenty-four hour candle is lit at the onset of the yahrzeit – after sunset on the night before the anniversary. Candles are lit at many Jewish lifecycle events.
Ki ner Elohim nishmat adam – the candle of God is the human soul. The flame casts pure light like a soul freed from its physical limitations. Lit candles give presence to the day, a warm, bright, visible reminder.
Memorial candles are available through synagogue gift shops, Jewish bookstores, kosher butchers/grocers, and even general supermarkets with a Jewish clientele. Glass used to be the
yahrzeit candle container of choice, but they now appear in aluminum containers. (An end to the
yahrzeit glasses that proliferated in Jewish cupboards?)
No blessing is said upon lighting the candle though this is a time to share memories and reflect. Personal prayers can be said. The phrase “May his/her memory be a blessing” (For men: “Zichrono livrachah”, for women: “Zichrona livrachah") fits the spirit of the
yahrzeit day.
Lighting one candle per household is the common custom. Having each family member, the children and grandchildren for example, light a candle is another way to mark a personal connection with one who is being remembered.
Kaddish
Mark the day by saying the Kaddish with a minyan at the service closest to the date or at Shabbat services the week before. Bringing family members to this service to say the prayer brings strength, meaning, and comfort.
In some congregations, a person observing a yahrzeit will be called up to the Torah for a portion of the reading.
Charity
Donating money to charity or time to a good cause is a traditional way to mark a
yahrzeit.
