When to Visit
Although no Jewish law explicitly forbids it, mourners do not visit a cemetery within the first thirty days of mourning. Jewish custom supplies broad guidelines for visits such as a bride or groom would visit a parent’s grave before getting married and others visit before the High Holidays begin.
A visit may evoke words of Psalms or the El Maleh Rahamim memorial prayer. Sephardic liturgy’s Hashkaba prayer is said in hope of a peaceful rest for the departed. Syrian Jews read the lines of long acrostic Psalm 119 that spell out the Hebrew name of the deceased. This psalm expresses loyalty to the word of God and hope for salvation. The words that come to mind are also prayers if only written in the prayer book of the heart.
Leaving Pebbles
Where other mourners place flowers, Jews lay pebbles. Murky origins surround this custom, but it is a sure way to leave evidence of a gravesite visit, one that will not wilt or blow away. Ancient graves were covered with stones to keep predatory animals and grave robbers at bay. Leaving a stone helped protect the grave, a symbol that caring extended beyond death.
Hand Washing
Transitions in Jewish life are often accompanied by water. A body is bathed in a poignant, dignified ceremony before burial. Jews-by-choice mark their entry into the Jewish people by immersing themselves in mikveh waters. Similarly, hands are washed after a cemetery visit to mark the departure from the surroundings of death to an attachment with life. Washing stations are set up outside of the cemetery for this purpose.
Cemetery Etiquette
Basic respect should be shown. Eating and yelling are out of place. Try not to step on graves.
