Origin of the Kaddish Prayer
A prayer for the dead that makes no mention of death, written in a language that fell into disuse 16 centuries ago, why is it so powerful? The rhythm of the Kaddish. The rising of the “yit,” the thud of the “ta,” sounds of peaks and stops, punctuated by the call and response of the Amen. The Kaddish is the lullaby of the bereaved.
Originating in parts, the Kaddish was shaped from the first century and achieved its present form around the time the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) was written. Written in Aramaic, the language spoken by Jews from the 5th century B.C.E. through 5th century C.E., it was supposed to be easy for the layperson to understand.
Kaddish was not coined as a mourner’s prayer. It was said as a praise to God after study. This is why the words exalt God’s creation and place God above any words or expressions of praise. The custom for mourners to say Kaddish began to evolve when mourners began studying Torah in the house of mourning to garner extra merit for the deceased. The Kaddish was later incorporated as a divider between different portions of every prayer service. Unlearned Jews had access to prayer through the Kaddish because it was in the Aramaic vernacular. After the slaughter and mayhem of the Crusades, the Kaddish became bound up with mourning rituals.
Praising God while suffering pain and loss seems contradictory, even hypocritical, but the act keeps the lines open to healing and forming a new relationship with the Source of Life. In the Kaddish, God is praised when it is hardest. God is praised when life defies understanding.
Who Says Kaddish?
Women and men stand and say Kaddish for the parents, siblings, spouses and children. Kaddish is said for siblings, spouses, and children for a 30-day period, until the sheloshim.
Traditionally, saying Kaddish was a son’s duty. Women assumed other roles in ancient mourning rituals. In the Biblical period women were called upon to be mekonenot, who would compose dirges and lead vocal expressions of mourning. In all other aspects of mourning aside from reciting the Kaddish, a woman’s obligation to observe the mourning laws is equal to a man’s.
Jews of Morocco customarily focused on importance of the eldest and youngest sons’ Kaddish recital.
Reciting Kaddish For A Parent
Parents are honored with either a full year or eleven months of Kaddish. The year of Kaddish corresponds to the year’s worth of mourning. In the sixteenth century, Rabbi Moshe Isserles, the author of an authoritative guide to the Code of Jewish Law for Eastern European Jews, prescribed the practice of ending Kaddish a month before the first anniversary of the loss. Reciting Kaddish is thought to add merit to the newly departed soul during its judgment/purification period. Only the most evil soul would require the full twelve months of judgment. To say Kaddish for the full twelve months would imply a belief that a parent fell into that heinous category.
Reciting Kaddish For A Child
One of the traditional reasons Kaddish was said was to help a soul avoid punishment in the afterlife. Therefore saying Kaddish for children, who are not held responsible for their sins, was considered an option, but not an obligation.
Reciting Kaddish For Adoptive Parents
Judaism honors those who adopt children. Traditionally, adoptive parents are to be honored with a Kaddish recited by those they raised even though the biological ties are not there. In Eastern European shtetl life, young orphan boys were taken into the homes of childless couples, not only as an act of kindness but also as a “Kaddish’l,” one who would say Kaddish for the couple. There are some rabbis who would obligate an adopted child to recite the Kaddish for an adopted parent only if there are no biological children.
Reciting Kaddish For Parents Who Converted Out
Despite a parent’s decision to cast aside Judaism in favor of another faith, the mitzvah to “Honor your mother and father” still applies. Because Kaddish is thought to be a source of merit for the deceased, many rabbis are of the opinion that children should recite the Kaddish for a parent who adopted a different faith.
Reciting Kaddish With A Minyan
Saying Kaddish with a minyan, a group of ten adults, has the advantage of bringing the mourner in from the cold solitude of loss to a community that will extend sympathy and attention. Each Amen response serves a reminder that the mourner is not alone. A community has weathered death and remembrance, seen new life and celebration, and will be there through the storm of sorrow.
A minyan’s presence is deemed so important that halacha permits a mourner to leave the Shiva house to say Kaddish with a congregation. When it is not practical to join a minyan, Kaddish doesn’t have to be neglected. Say Kaddish with family, with those who knew the loved one best. Say Kaddish alone.
Kaddish was traditionally said during each service, three times a day, seven days a week. Orthodox synagogues have services twice a day (the afternoon and evening prayers are said at one service) as do some Conservative congregations. Reform and Reconstructionist synagogue may have services only on Shabbat and holidays.
Can Kaddish Hired Out?
If no one is available to say Kaddish, extra Torah study or private prayers should be added instead. Choose a course of study through a Jewish text or on a Jewish subject for the mourning period. Hiring out the Kaddish recital is a well established but controversial custom. Some rabbis argue that assigning a non-relative to say the Kaddish has no meaning.
The standard words of the Kaddish call for God’s name to be sanctified. It heaps on praise with descriptions of God’s exalted grace and glory. A list of laudatory words is followed by a statement of surrender that God’s greatness is beyond any word or song. Kaddish closes with a prayer for peace that God, who makes peace in the heavens, will bring serenity to the earthbound.
